The mall.
Anyway, this is what I saw, and I am compelled to say something about it:
The Vibram Fivefingers. Do you want everyone to know you're a douchebag? We can help.
Dear America,
Please don't wear these out. Please don't wear these while shopping. In fact, just don't wear them at all. I think it's fair to say that there is an assumption that goes along with seeing someone wear these in public: that person can't dress themselves. That, and: that person has $79.99 to waste on something that makes them appear to dress like a 4th grader.
In this instance, it was a 16 year-old girl wearing them, and they were white, but still, have some self-respect. For some reason they remind me of the Terminators from Terminator 2...not sure, maybe it's that they kind of create an exoskeleton for humans, that is a little too 'endo'-skeleton to be a serious fashion trend. I don't know, maybe I'm putting too much on it.
I did check out the "FAQ" on their website though, and it was enlightening:
CAN I WEAR FIVEFINGERS IF I HAVE WEBBED TOES OR SYNDACTYLY?
Unfortunately the design of FiveFingers does not accommodate webbed toes or Syndactyly. We are unable to make custom FiveFingers to fit specific foot needs.
Man, that sucks for those with webbed toes or whatever-the-hell Syndactyly is. You'd really think that if Vibram wanted to be all things to all people (read: feet) they would have figured this out.
Oh, that's syndactyly.
So, in closing, you don't look cool if you wear these to the mall. In fact, there's already a certain amount of personal shame when you go to the mall anyway, so don't multiply it by wearing a sporty exoskeleton on your foot.
-C Murda
I think these are designed to be targeted towards bare-foot runners/outdoor people. I thought about buying some, but my personal shame rose exponentially the closer I came to the store; it was a veritable shame parabola.
ReplyDelete-Rocktimus Crime
-C Murda
ReplyDeleteI have had a pair of five fingers for a year or so. They are perfect for "CrossFit" (fitness competitions involving Olympic weightlifting, trail running, gymnastics and other events requiring balance and mobility) I have found that as long as I'm wearing them while dead lifting 400 or so pounds or doing handstand push ups, I catch very little lip about them. Outside of the CrossFit context however I have been mocked mercilessly for wearing them and rightly so. They are "douchebaggy".
I just wanted to point out that Sutch's BF wears these in public ...
ReplyDelete