A new post, that's not totally new, but new to you...maybe.

Here is an old blog (from Detroit, the Internet - aka Myspace) that I was recently convinced (not that it took too much convincing ctrl+c/ctrl+v is nay that taxing - but you were right anyway, Adam) to post on my new, fantastically different blog, "Boss Blog". By the way, do you like the name of the 'blog? I really hesitated to name it, to be honest...when it came down to it, it seemed like The Blogfather was a bit contrived, as well as setting the expectation bar a little too high.

Anyway, without further ado (but maybe a few edits and additions), here is a pretty funny post from 2 years ago that I have affectionately titled, "The Buckcherry Blog".


Blogging is great in ’08!

Recently I've heard some comments about people liking my blogs, so I've come out of my self-imposed exile to return to the blogosphere.

Why else have I returned you ask?

One word: Buckcherry.

See, I listen to the radio when I drive. I have an in-dash CD player in my sweet Accord, and since I own an iPod now, I can't go back to CDs...too much time. And since I don't carry CDs around, I turn on the radio (this is how I found out I like Kelly Clarkson...and Evanescence).

Well, today, friends I had a little life changing experience at the hands of Josh Todd and Buckcherry.

I don't know if you know it, but these guys are at the forefront of songwriting and music in general:


(*that's Josh Todd at the forefront of Buckcherry, so you know he means business).

To wit: "Too Drunk" is the new standard in rock and/or roll.
I mean, I knew they were on to something before...remember "Lit Up"? A song that glamorized cocaine and partying...as if that needed glamorizing!

And what about "Crazy Bitch"? That's their more recent endeavor that got them a lot of airplay/money/drugs/Herpes simplex-2...with classic closing lines like "you're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!"

Well, "Too Drunk" takes it to another level altogether. As I sat in my car, I was transported to another land - a land of poetry and beauty, complete with bluesy guitar riffs, booming drums, and the whiny cry of Josh Todd at the helm of a completely rocking steam boat of rock christened "Buckcherry".


"All aboard!" - Cpt. Josh Todd, piloting the S.S. Buckcherry


I mean this song has it all, and boy could I relate...the chorus is your basic rock and roll partying type chorus, but it's like it was ripped out of the pages of my life:

I'm gettin' drunk all night/I'm gettin' drunk all day/
I'm sorry but I have to say - I'm too drunk to fuck.

Yeah, that's right...too drunk to fuck.
We've all been there. Who hasn't had a case of the whiskey dick, right?
Well Josh Todd and Buckcherry certainly have, and now they've had it in my car. Thanks.


This is the first result for a Google image search for "Whiskey Dick".


Buckcherry's lyricism is plugged into the pulse of Americana with a song like this, and it's certainly a step above other songs glorifying excess and erectile dysfunction (move over Springsteen, Dylan, and Levon Helm!).


"Who said my name?" - Levon Helm, ca. The Last Waltz

In the past we've had songs that deal with fucking, but not the more personal side of it, the more tender side, if you will. This line comes straight from the heart like Mystikal in "Shake Ya Ass" did: "Beat the pussy up ain't no smooth fuckin'!" - which was spoken like a true sexual batterer.


This is how you get into trouble, Mr. Mystikal...

And I thought Ol' Dirty Bastard had the best line in history of songs about fucking with:
"I don't have no problem with you fuckin' me/but a have a little problem with you NOT fuckin' me"
...but I was just denying the true power of a Josh Todd song. He kicked ODBs ass (RIP).


Dirt McGirt succumbs to the powerful death-blow of a Josh Todd chorus.

Another line I like in "Too Drunk" is Josh Todd, et. als use of "Young, dumb, and full of cum", a triple not oft used anymore outisde of rural Tennessee backyard gatherings and National Guard Armory wrestling events. I think Dick Van Dyke and Mel Brooks would really appreciate this use of their tell-tale comedic device (the triple) used in this fashion. Plus, it's just a truism of life. If you've been young and dumb, you're certainly full of cum. Not sure if this is transitive or reflexive, however (if Y+D=FoC, then D+FoC=Y? or FoC+Y=D?) probably so on the last one.

But as great as all these formulas are, J. Todd goes one better and follows up "Young, dumb and full of cum" with a reference to his "Sugar coated candy cane". Now there you have it. He's done 50 Cent's "like a fat kid loves cake" one or even two better.


wrong kind of 50 Cent's cake...

Maybe even better than Prince's "...do you after school like some homework" (*but probably not). Hats off. Jimmy hats, that is.

Could it be that Buckcherry is just so intense that it can only be compared to a night of doing cocaine rails off KISS's ass, plus applying eyeliner in Poison and Cinderella-like quantities, culminating in the posturing of Van Halen (spandex-pantsed Diamond Dave, of course)?

So, I encourage you, nay, IMPLORE you to get out there and listen to the modern marvel that is Buckcherry. Their song "Too Drunk" certainly places them on hallowed ground as the new bards of this generation. Just look at the closing message they use to pull their debauchery together, while telling a little truth on society:

I could spend my lifetime gettin' high/ never wanna live in a suit and tie/ Most of us are just livin' a lie/ drink gettin' fucked up every night.

So true. So true. Buckcherry sees right through my "suit and tie" and into my soul that just wants to "get fucked up every night"...they know I'm just a cog in a wheel, gettin' no grease. Damn, Buckcherry, I am living a lie.

Can you believe this guy got kicked out of Velvet Revolver? WTF!?


Slash and the gay apparatchik Velvet Revolver hired instead of Josh Todd.